The Terrible Affliction of Grandchilditis
Grandchildren - those 'little dears' that turn mature adult males into beaming, boasting, uncharacteristically soft old teddy bears while at the same time causing mature adult women to metamorphosis into mushy, gushing and doting old chooks.
I have a mate - 6' 4" and with a face that would make the Grim Reaper run in terror. I have always believed that he eats anvils for breakfast and considers cleaning all the patrons out of a waterside bar as a light warm up. Then, his first Grandchild arrived on the scene - just your typical ugly sod of a thing that had two functions in life - to constantly shit it's nappies and wail from dawn to dusk and, mostly through the night as well. My mate turned to water! Every where he went he wanted to take the little monster - the babies Mother had to wage war to get her child back for a feed.
He went to the pub - the kid cleaned the pub out even faster than my mate could - grown men ran in horror as this huge Bear of a man walked through the doors and invited all and sundry to look at, and pay compliment to, his new grandchild - God help the man who expressed indifference. He went to his local RSL (Returned Serviceman's League) - the kid went; he went fishing - the kid went; he went walking - the kid went; he went to the Supermarket - the kid went. Pretty soon those of us who knew my mate had no social life - we were scared to go anywhere because there would be my mate - and the bloody kid. We stayed at home - with the blinds drawn, because we'd run out of nice things to say - and we didn't want to suffer the consequences of not having a compliment to pay. His wife was worse! The local Pub damn near went bankrupt because she stopped playing the one arm bandits. Every cent she had was spent on some new trinket or gadget for the kid. The kid's Mother was near going round the bend - if she asked the Grand Parents to mind the kid for an hour it took her a week to get the little shit back.
You'd think that the novelty would wear off after a while but I have reason to believe it never does. Just down the street and around the corner from me are an elderly couple who are bringing their grandchild up. The Mother is ill and cannot cope herself. Said grandchild - a boy - is now fourteen years old. Like a lot of fourteen year old's these days the kid is twice the size of his grandparents and has a double sized chip on his shoulder to match. Any request by the grandparents for him to do anything constructive is met with a round of abuse, accompanied by something being smashed, broken up or otherwise destroyed. A simple request by the grand father for him to mow the lawns was met by an attack on the only family vehicle with a sledge hammer! Needless to say the Police are frequent visitors to the premises and the betting up and down the street is that the boy will be in jail before his sixteenth birthday.
The opposite approach, usually practiced by the female of the species is driving another near neighbor to distraction. The female, a sixteen year old child with an acid tongue and a bad attitude suddenly becomes all sweetness and light when her grandparents are in her sights. This is usually when she wants anything that her parents cannot or will not provide. On such occasions this mini "Lolita" descends on her grandparents, suitably attired in a demure flowery dress, and manages to produce a copious flow of crocodile tears while sobbing out her despair because her parents will not provide the this or that that she "just has to have or she will surely die". Needless to say the poor bloody grandparents dip into their meagre pension funds to satisfy the child's demands.
I don't know if there is a cure for this particular affliction, and it's almost in plague proportions, nearly every grandparent suffers from it to some degree. A mild infection may have relatively simple after effects -some loss of self image and a realisation or suspicion of being taken advantage of. However a serious infection may result in life crippling consequences. Among the confirmed after effects are terminal financial damage, personal conflict - in rare cases even extending to actual physical injury, and of course the high possibility of domestic turmoil resulting from differences of opinion on how best to treat "Grandchilditis".
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Monday, December 5, 2011
Fear & Danger - What scares you ?
PLEASE NOTE. I am NOT a qualified Counsellor, Psychologist or Psychiatrist and I have no formal training to advise on these matters. The following is merely my personal opinion based on the experience of a life in the Armed Forces and a healthy regard for protecting my own skin.
A friend of mine recently admitted to a fear of heights. That is a reasonable and legitimate fear, however at the same time such fears must be confronted and quantified. The key to confronting all forms of fear, provided such fears have a rational basis, is knowledge. Fears that have no rational basis are classified as Phobias and require the help of a professional to address. The Oxford dictionary defines 'PHOBIA' as - an abnormal or morbid fear or aversion.
My friend nominated Ladders and Lookouts as specific fears along with a general fear of dealing with heights. Rightly so - but in order to address those fears knowledge of their nature needs to be applied. For example a ladder can quite rightly be a fearful object but if one applies knowledge then that fear can be confronted, understood and reduced to a reasonable state of caution. There is no question that ladders are a potential source of fear - try climbing a rickety old ladder at night in the middle of a thunderstorm! But if one applies knowledge - is the ladder soundly made by a reputable manufacturer to a recognised standard and is that ladder correctly placed and anchored in a manner to suit the conditions under which it is being used? Then that knowledge provides a measure to assess the risk of using the ladder under those conditions. The fear has been confronted - the risk has been assessed and the user can decide to proceed, exercising the necessary amount of caution or - if the risk is to great based on the knowledge of the ladder and the conditions under which it is to be used then elect not to proceed at all.
I believe that all rational fears can be assessed and quantified by knowledge. The fear associated with stepping onto a lookout over a high precipice can be assessed before stepping onto that lookout. Is the ground around the lookout firm, are the paths leading up to the lookout in good condition, is there adequate safety railing and are other people using or have used the lookout immediately before you? Is the lookout overcrowded or are some of the observers behaving in a stupid or dangerous manner? - could their behavior affect your own safety? Assess these observations and make a rational decision of whether it is safe to use the lookout yourself.
Fear is a basic instinct that helps us preserve our own safety and even our life. The person with no fear is foolhardy and a danger to others and to themselves. Conversely fear can drive an unprepared person to irrationality if there is no knowledge of the risk associated with that fear. Some risks cannot be prepared for and that in itself induces fear. The big danger in these circumstances is the onset of panic. A sudden and unexpected event such as fire, earthquake or being attacked while walking home down a dark street can produce a sudden and dramatic rush of fear that often leads to panic in the unprepared. But once again the gaining of knowledge of the risk can bring a measured and calmer response if the situation is prepared for BEFORE it happens. If you live in an earthquake prone area or in a rural setting where bushfires are a reality then it is logical to seek advice and devise a plan of containment. It may never happen but if you don't prepare - and it does - then panic will undoubtedly be a real possibility.
A person who is required to walk home down a dark street on a regular basis is obviously more likely to be fearful of attack than one who does not - BUT - anyone - even the most cautious of souls can find themselves suddenly in that position. If you are a lumbering 6 foot 4 monster with a face that only a mother could love - and you are built like King Cong then the risk of being attacked is probably slim but if you are a normal person - particularly with no knowledge of self defence then it could conceivably happen at any time. We have all heard of people being attacked in car parks and even shopping centres in broad daylight. Once again the defence is Knowledge.
As a serviceman I was trained to observe the environment around me and to be aware of approaching potential threats. I constantly observe people putting themselves at risk by being totally unaware of the temptations they present to loitering opportunists. Motor vehicles left unlocked - with the windows down and even keys left in the ignition, doors and windows of the home left unlocked when the occupants retire for the night, women leaving their purses unattended in shopping trolleys, men displaying large sums of money in their pockets or wallets. All these examples have a common denominator. Lack of knowledge and lack of preparedness. Dangerous situations - and the fear associated with those situations can present at any time.
I am not advocating that we all surrender to paranoia and rush out to learn Martial Arts, or surround the family home with a fortified mote but I do believe a lot of dangerous situations, and the fear associated with their occurrence, can be mitigated by a common sense approach and a working knowledge of preventative measures.
A friend of mine recently admitted to a fear of heights. That is a reasonable and legitimate fear, however at the same time such fears must be confronted and quantified. The key to confronting all forms of fear, provided such fears have a rational basis, is knowledge. Fears that have no rational basis are classified as Phobias and require the help of a professional to address. The Oxford dictionary defines 'PHOBIA' as - an abnormal or morbid fear or aversion.
My friend nominated Ladders and Lookouts as specific fears along with a general fear of dealing with heights. Rightly so - but in order to address those fears knowledge of their nature needs to be applied. For example a ladder can quite rightly be a fearful object but if one applies knowledge then that fear can be confronted, understood and reduced to a reasonable state of caution. There is no question that ladders are a potential source of fear - try climbing a rickety old ladder at night in the middle of a thunderstorm! But if one applies knowledge - is the ladder soundly made by a reputable manufacturer to a recognised standard and is that ladder correctly placed and anchored in a manner to suit the conditions under which it is being used? Then that knowledge provides a measure to assess the risk of using the ladder under those conditions. The fear has been confronted - the risk has been assessed and the user can decide to proceed, exercising the necessary amount of caution or - if the risk is to great based on the knowledge of the ladder and the conditions under which it is to be used then elect not to proceed at all.
I believe that all rational fears can be assessed and quantified by knowledge. The fear associated with stepping onto a lookout over a high precipice can be assessed before stepping onto that lookout. Is the ground around the lookout firm, are the paths leading up to the lookout in good condition, is there adequate safety railing and are other people using or have used the lookout immediately before you? Is the lookout overcrowded or are some of the observers behaving in a stupid or dangerous manner? - could their behavior affect your own safety? Assess these observations and make a rational decision of whether it is safe to use the lookout yourself.
Fear is a basic instinct that helps us preserve our own safety and even our life. The person with no fear is foolhardy and a danger to others and to themselves. Conversely fear can drive an unprepared person to irrationality if there is no knowledge of the risk associated with that fear. Some risks cannot be prepared for and that in itself induces fear. The big danger in these circumstances is the onset of panic. A sudden and unexpected event such as fire, earthquake or being attacked while walking home down a dark street can produce a sudden and dramatic rush of fear that often leads to panic in the unprepared. But once again the gaining of knowledge of the risk can bring a measured and calmer response if the situation is prepared for BEFORE it happens. If you live in an earthquake prone area or in a rural setting where bushfires are a reality then it is logical to seek advice and devise a plan of containment. It may never happen but if you don't prepare - and it does - then panic will undoubtedly be a real possibility.
A person who is required to walk home down a dark street on a regular basis is obviously more likely to be fearful of attack than one who does not - BUT - anyone - even the most cautious of souls can find themselves suddenly in that position. If you are a lumbering 6 foot 4 monster with a face that only a mother could love - and you are built like King Cong then the risk of being attacked is probably slim but if you are a normal person - particularly with no knowledge of self defence then it could conceivably happen at any time. We have all heard of people being attacked in car parks and even shopping centres in broad daylight. Once again the defence is Knowledge.
As a serviceman I was trained to observe the environment around me and to be aware of approaching potential threats. I constantly observe people putting themselves at risk by being totally unaware of the temptations they present to loitering opportunists. Motor vehicles left unlocked - with the windows down and even keys left in the ignition, doors and windows of the home left unlocked when the occupants retire for the night, women leaving their purses unattended in shopping trolleys, men displaying large sums of money in their pockets or wallets. All these examples have a common denominator. Lack of knowledge and lack of preparedness. Dangerous situations - and the fear associated with those situations can present at any time.
I am not advocating that we all surrender to paranoia and rush out to learn Martial Arts, or surround the family home with a fortified mote but I do believe a lot of dangerous situations, and the fear associated with their occurrence, can be mitigated by a common sense approach and a working knowledge of preventative measures.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Missing - BIAD (Believed in a Daze! )
August the 25th?? Bloody hell it is that long since I whinged and bitched about something on this blog? Well - yeah - it is! I plead the return of a not very pleasant illness and the pressure of getting off my backside to write something. That's the trouble with advancing years - when we are young we get over an illness but - as the grey hairs increase and the belly heads south the bloody illnesses just go and hide around the corner until they can jump back out and bite you on the arse.
There is an old song that goes something like - the foot bone is connected to the ankle bone and the ankle bone is connected to the leg bone and the leg bone is .... and so on. It's those bloody connections that get you in old age (Old Age??? - am I allowed to say that?? - or is it politically correct these days to refer to Senior Years?? I don't know - AND I DON"T GIVE A SHIT!!) I'm old - another anniversary of my approach to the day I die is coming up this month - so what - be old - admit it - bloody well live with it!! Now - like most senile old farts I've started to ramble on - SO - back to my point - what point??? Well if you paid attention you'd bloody well know and be able to advice this poor old scribe where he is at - THANKS FOR BLOODY NOTHING!!
The foot bone - yeah - that's it! When I was a young bloke if you got a sore toe - it stayed as that - a sore toe - and it got better after a while - now if I get a sore toe it makes the ankle sore - which makes the leg sore which makes the knee sore - you get the picture? - It's the bloody connections that are at fault!!! Having dispensed this gem of wisdom I will now go away and try to bash some sense into my head - who knows - I might even find out where the muse has been hiding lately and get rid of this bloody writer's block!
There is an old song that goes something like - the foot bone is connected to the ankle bone and the ankle bone is connected to the leg bone and the leg bone is .... and so on. It's those bloody connections that get you in old age (Old Age??? - am I allowed to say that?? - or is it politically correct these days to refer to Senior Years?? I don't know - AND I DON"T GIVE A SHIT!!) I'm old - another anniversary of my approach to the day I die is coming up this month - so what - be old - admit it - bloody well live with it!! Now - like most senile old farts I've started to ramble on - SO - back to my point - what point??? Well if you paid attention you'd bloody well know and be able to advice this poor old scribe where he is at - THANKS FOR BLOODY NOTHING!!
The foot bone - yeah - that's it! When I was a young bloke if you got a sore toe - it stayed as that - a sore toe - and it got better after a while - now if I get a sore toe it makes the ankle sore - which makes the leg sore which makes the knee sore - you get the picture? - It's the bloody connections that are at fault!!! Having dispensed this gem of wisdom I will now go away and try to bash some sense into my head - who knows - I might even find out where the muse has been hiding lately and get rid of this bloody writer's block!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
I'm Back
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
~ Isaac Asimov
A meaningful quote from a very intelligent man. Yeah well, I have been away for a while! Illness is an adversary that very seldom reveals it's true depth or intent until it is well established. What started as a supposed common cold finally revealed itself to be of much more purposeful intent. Purposeful to the extent that I found myself examining my own mortality and contemplating meeting my maker - whether said maker was ready to meet me I do not know. The reality for me is that, as a previously fit and healthy man, I am now having to accept, and deal with, serious limitations to my chosen activities.
The mantle of mature years, and serious illness, brings with it definite new limitations - there is a certain gremlin that has a hydraulic jack hidden under the hill leading to my front door - I'm now sure that every day he makes that damn hill a couple of degrees steeper. It may well be that same gremlin that by some device extracts the oxygen from my general vicinity and makes me heave and puff when ever I try to accomplish some heavy physical task. If I believed that gremlins could attack my personal being I would have to suspect that the loss of hair on my head and the southwards migration of my chest to the vicinity of my waist is also some evil plot to make me feel inadequate.
Luckily I have not yet begun to loose my mental faculties and I have positive proof that the gremlins are also conducting other underhand campaigns that are obviously targeted against the mature of age, if I could only remember what they were. I know I made some notes but I can't for the life of me remember where I put them or, if I did actually put them away somewhere. What's that you say? Put what? Where?
There are other things that are beginning to bother me too, but I'm not sure why! I seem to have developed a taste for warm Coco and I also notice that when I chew my dry biscuits I seem to dribble a lot. The rather attractive receptionist at my local doctors has become quite friendly lately and she calls me "dear". Do you think she fancies me or could there be another reason?
I wonder if my increasing intolerance of the young and their rowdy goings on might also be a symptom of my maturity, perhaps it would be better if I could actually see what they are up to but my eyes aren't what they used to be and my new glasses - the ones with the thicker lenses -hang like an anchor on my nose. My other complaint is that just lately everyone seems to mumble - damned if I can understand what they are saying most of the time - I just wish people would speak clearly - it must be a sign of the times. I won't even get into the way food has changed and what it does to a man's insides - and the uncomfortable results. That's in my notes though and if I can just find them I'll tell you about it next time.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
A Thought or Two on Mortality.
At the tender age of twenty one, if I had been asked, and stopped for even a minute to think about it I would have undoubtedly dismissed the question as irrelevant. What question? THE QUESTION - what happens when you die? At that age no one dwells on the concept of dieing and although anyone can die at any age - through accident or other misfortune the attitude of most of the young is that they are invincible and thoughts of end of life - unless suicide is contemplated - are mostly far from their thoughts.
As we progress through the steps to maturity - and undertake the responsibility of home and a family the concept might be addressed in a practical but distant manner - provision by way of a Will and Insurances of various types to provide for the family we might leave behind - BUT - the concept of our own death is still not seriously considered. Perhaps the unexpected onset of a serious illness or accident might make us stop and take stock of the possibility but still death is not a subject we seriously consider as an immediate possibility. Most of us expect to live into our old age - and - that will be soon enough to face the unpleasant possibility.
Then we wake up one morning and find we HAVE grown old. The onset of old age always seems to arrive unexpectedly - and for some - sooner than expected. When we are young and strong and supposedly "bullet proof" the broken bone, the sports injury, the illness is something we rightly expect to get over and come out the other side. We fail to consider that those injuries and illnesses might have a cumulative effect, but I believe they do. When I was a child I was one of the many thousands who became a victim of the polio epidemic - that took three years from my life - but - I got over it - I was judged fit and strong enough and passed the medical examinations when I applied for service in the armed forces. I was injured in the course of that service - and - I got over it. Like many others I suffered a broken bone or two in the course of my life - and - once again - I got over it.
Then I came to that age where retirement is thrust upon us - I had no option - the Armed forces have strict rules in that regard and so the first signal of approaching mortality was waved in my face - I ignored it - I was fit, still strong and had had the good fortune to suffer no other serious illnesses. I had a pilot's licence - I drove a motor car - and participated in motor sport - I still practiced Martial Arts and could run a mile in under ten minutes - Death? Old Age? What's that? Who cares? - I'd made the necessary arrangements years ago - A Will - Funeral Arrangements - all the stuff that a responsible person considers necessary - but I was going to live to be a hundred - and get the Queen's - or the King's Telegram - yeah - right.
I faced mandatory retirement at age fifty five and in my fifty ninth year my legs started to give me problems - a combination the doctors said - Post Polio Syndrome and cumulative damage resulting from injuries - the second signal of approaching mortality - I ignored that too. There continued to be a number of signs of deterioration due to approaching old age - so I slowed down - a bit. Then in my sixty eight year I caught a cold. Big deal - I rugged up, took some cough medicine and blew my nose when required. The cold developed into Bronchitis - so I went to see my Doctor and listened carefully to what he suggested - I followed his advice - to the letter - the bronchitis developed into pneumonia - I ended up in hospital. I've been a smoker since I was aged fifteen and I ignored all the advice to give that up to - now I have been diagnosed with something called COPD - Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. I've finally given up smoking - not because I want to but because I have no bloody option - if I smoke - I can't breath! The third signal of approaching mortality and finally I decided I better think about it.
I'd like to make my eightieth year - with a bit of luck - perhaps my mid eighties - when I was in my mid forties I would have said - "that's a good innings" but I'm nearly sixty nine now - so my eightieth year is only eleven years away!!! Bloody hell - that's not long - I have things to do - but I'm older now - and slower - things take time - and some of them hurt these days - The legs play up and I can't run at all much anymore - they've taken my pilot's licence off me - and I can't pass the medical to race cars - Martial arts?? Forget it!
Damn - I should have taken notice of those signals!! I think I might be mortal after all
As we progress through the steps to maturity - and undertake the responsibility of home and a family the concept might be addressed in a practical but distant manner - provision by way of a Will and Insurances of various types to provide for the family we might leave behind - BUT - the concept of our own death is still not seriously considered. Perhaps the unexpected onset of a serious illness or accident might make us stop and take stock of the possibility but still death is not a subject we seriously consider as an immediate possibility. Most of us expect to live into our old age - and - that will be soon enough to face the unpleasant possibility.
Then we wake up one morning and find we HAVE grown old. The onset of old age always seems to arrive unexpectedly - and for some - sooner than expected. When we are young and strong and supposedly "bullet proof" the broken bone, the sports injury, the illness is something we rightly expect to get over and come out the other side. We fail to consider that those injuries and illnesses might have a cumulative effect, but I believe they do. When I was a child I was one of the many thousands who became a victim of the polio epidemic - that took three years from my life - but - I got over it - I was judged fit and strong enough and passed the medical examinations when I applied for service in the armed forces. I was injured in the course of that service - and - I got over it. Like many others I suffered a broken bone or two in the course of my life - and - once again - I got over it.
Then I came to that age where retirement is thrust upon us - I had no option - the Armed forces have strict rules in that regard and so the first signal of approaching mortality was waved in my face - I ignored it - I was fit, still strong and had had the good fortune to suffer no other serious illnesses. I had a pilot's licence - I drove a motor car - and participated in motor sport - I still practiced Martial Arts and could run a mile in under ten minutes - Death? Old Age? What's that? Who cares? - I'd made the necessary arrangements years ago - A Will - Funeral Arrangements - all the stuff that a responsible person considers necessary - but I was going to live to be a hundred - and get the Queen's - or the King's Telegram - yeah - right.
I faced mandatory retirement at age fifty five and in my fifty ninth year my legs started to give me problems - a combination the doctors said - Post Polio Syndrome and cumulative damage resulting from injuries - the second signal of approaching mortality - I ignored that too. There continued to be a number of signs of deterioration due to approaching old age - so I slowed down - a bit. Then in my sixty eight year I caught a cold. Big deal - I rugged up, took some cough medicine and blew my nose when required. The cold developed into Bronchitis - so I went to see my Doctor and listened carefully to what he suggested - I followed his advice - to the letter - the bronchitis developed into pneumonia - I ended up in hospital. I've been a smoker since I was aged fifteen and I ignored all the advice to give that up to - now I have been diagnosed with something called COPD - Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. I've finally given up smoking - not because I want to but because I have no bloody option - if I smoke - I can't breath! The third signal of approaching mortality and finally I decided I better think about it.
I'd like to make my eightieth year - with a bit of luck - perhaps my mid eighties - when I was in my mid forties I would have said - "that's a good innings" but I'm nearly sixty nine now - so my eightieth year is only eleven years away!!! Bloody hell - that's not long - I have things to do - but I'm older now - and slower - things take time - and some of them hurt these days - The legs play up and I can't run at all much anymore - they've taken my pilot's licence off me - and I can't pass the medical to race cars - Martial arts?? Forget it!
Damn - I should have taken notice of those signals!! I think I might be mortal after all
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Where Have I Been??
I have to apologise to those few followers of this blog who have remained interested and have (perhaps) checked back from time to time to see if I've made any new posts. As they will know - I have not. The reason for this neglect has been an unfortunate encounter with ill health. However I am now on the way to recover and although that recovery will be slow I will be updating this blog in the near future. Please call back in a few days to see what progress I've made. -
Thank you
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Teenagers - Part two - Advanced Studies.
Serious researchers have conducted a number of advanced studies into what is commonly called "The Teenage Problem". As previously mentioned it should be remembered that all such studies are subject to the "No Connectivity Rule" that is, the apparent selective amnesia suffered by most adults when attempting to remember their own teenage years.
One of the more interesting results came from a study conducted amongst a sample of adults from the "Responsible Adult" and "Nurturing Parent" sub species. Although a number of these subjects had been positively identified as metamorphosing from the "Wild and Irresponsible", "Lout" and "Negatively Responding" sub species of Teenagers they all exhibited profound discomfort when questioned and insisted that their own pre Adult years had been as "Diligent", "Co operative" or even "Polite" Teenagers. Significantly, but also confusingly, none of the tested Adults were diagnosed as lying. In fact all tests concluded that the subjects really believed what they were saying!
These results add more confusion to the massive amounts of conflicting data already accrued and throw considerable doubt on many previously held assumptions, for example it is now beginning to become clear that the pre metamorphosis stage (of the teenager) has no bearing what so ever on the form of the fully matured Adult. Some avant-garde researchers have even gone so far as to theorise that the influence of the Adult species on the pre pubescent pupa has more influence over the adult form that the teenager will adopt.
At this stage of research, in spite of all the conflicting evidence, a small number of facts have emerged, unfortunately these facts have been self evident since research began so we are no further along the long and difficult task of understanding the species "Teenager". For the uninitiated here is a brief synopsis of what we do know: -
1. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, think they know everything
2. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, are capable of loud and irritating behavior.
3. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, are capable of , and delight in, rebellious behavior.
4. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, have some inner compulsion to experiment with their lives.
5. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, are subject to behavioral anomalies influenced by hormonal conflicts.
6.All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, are seriously effected by peer group pressures
7. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, can, and will do, the deliberately and completely unexpected
8. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, willfully and deliberately defy adult directives
9. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, vigorously investigate any endeavour they are told not to pursue
10. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, are a complete mystery to adult observers.
Finally I must give a word of warning to all Adults contemplating a study of the Teenage Problem. This study is fraught with danger and can result in sleepless nights, frustrating days, fear, confusion, trips to sporting fixtures, unexpected transportation demands, senseless rage, worry and, if the would be researcher is considering breeding their own test subjects, a considerable financial burden.
One of the more interesting results came from a study conducted amongst a sample of adults from the "Responsible Adult" and "Nurturing Parent" sub species. Although a number of these subjects had been positively identified as metamorphosing from the "Wild and Irresponsible", "Lout" and "Negatively Responding" sub species of Teenagers they all exhibited profound discomfort when questioned and insisted that their own pre Adult years had been as "Diligent", "Co operative" or even "Polite" Teenagers. Significantly, but also confusingly, none of the tested Adults were diagnosed as lying. In fact all tests concluded that the subjects really believed what they were saying!
These results add more confusion to the massive amounts of conflicting data already accrued and throw considerable doubt on many previously held assumptions, for example it is now beginning to become clear that the pre metamorphosis stage (of the teenager) has no bearing what so ever on the form of the fully matured Adult. Some avant-garde researchers have even gone so far as to theorise that the influence of the Adult species on the pre pubescent pupa has more influence over the adult form that the teenager will adopt.
At this stage of research, in spite of all the conflicting evidence, a small number of facts have emerged, unfortunately these facts have been self evident since research began so we are no further along the long and difficult task of understanding the species "Teenager". For the uninitiated here is a brief synopsis of what we do know: -
1. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, think they know everything
2. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, are capable of loud and irritating behavior.
3. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, are capable of , and delight in, rebellious behavior.
4. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, have some inner compulsion to experiment with their lives.
5. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, are subject to behavioral anomalies influenced by hormonal conflicts.
6.All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, are seriously effected by peer group pressures
7. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, can, and will do, the deliberately and completely unexpected
8. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, willfully and deliberately defy adult directives
9. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, vigorously investigate any endeavour they are told not to pursue
10. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, are a complete mystery to adult observers.
Finally I must give a word of warning to all Adults contemplating a study of the Teenage Problem. This study is fraught with danger and can result in sleepless nights, frustrating days, fear, confusion, trips to sporting fixtures, unexpected transportation demands, senseless rage, worry and, if the would be researcher is considering breeding their own test subjects, a considerable financial burden.
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