U.F.Os.

The very next person who confronts me with the accusation - "You're an ex military pilot - you MUST have seen UFOs."  is going to be attacked with a baseball bat - preferably one with big nails in the end of it! Unfortunately for me there is one of these "UFO Investigators" living a mere few properties away from mine. Even more unfortunately he recently discovered I'm an ex Air Force pilot. Therefore, according to his tiny fixated little mind I must have seen LOTS of little green , or grey, or even pink with purple polka dot aliens. In his world colour is probably optional but in any case "You MUST have seen things that you were told not to talk about ." (His emphasis - not mine.)


I was stupid enough to attempt to talk rationally with the man and explain that the term U.F.O. stands for Unidentified Flying Object and does not signify the existence, or presence, of a manned extra terrestrial vehicle. An unidentified flying object is just that - an object, apparently airborne, which has not, at the time of observation, been identified. In effect the local seagulls are UFOs - until you have a good look and say to yourself - Ah! bloody seagulls - I hope they don't crap on my washing.


This "Investigator" is a pest of the worse kind, I concede that there are a small number of airborne objects that do not comply with normal investigative procedures and their form and purpose is never clearly defined, however this clown takes the view that any light/ shadow/ unusual phenomena in the sky - or on the ground  - is some sort of alien contrivance. If he hears about it and it's less than a couple of hundred kilometers away he immediately sets forth with all manner of measuring equipment to "prove" that the men from Mars have landed. Equally unfortunately this idiot also has the mistaken belief that I have some secret knowledge that is denied to him and constantly tries to drag me along with him on his wild goose chases. I am seriously considering the purchase of a large vicious dog to discourage him.

It seems to me that this fool, and his faithful disciples, might also be referred to as UFOs - Unconditionally Fixated Obsessives!