Thursday, April 14, 2011

Teenagers - Part two - Advanced Studies.

Serious researchers have conducted a number of advanced studies into what is commonly called "The Teenage Problem". As previously mentioned it should be remembered that all such studies are subject to the "No Connectivity Rule" that is, the apparent selective amnesia suffered by most adults when attempting to remember their own teenage years.

One of the more interesting results came from a study conducted amongst a sample of adults from the "Responsible Adult" and "Nurturing Parent" sub species. Although a number of these subjects had been positively identified as metamorphosing from the "Wild and Irresponsible", "Lout" and "Negatively Responding" sub species of  Teenagers  they all exhibited profound discomfort when questioned and insisted that their own pre Adult years had been as  "Diligent", "Co operative" or even "Polite" Teenagers. Significantly, but also confusingly, none of the tested Adults were diagnosed as lying. In fact all tests concluded that the subjects really believed what they were saying!

These results add more confusion to the massive amounts of conflicting data already accrued and throw considerable doubt on many previously held assumptions, for example it is now beginning to become clear that the pre metamorphosis stage (of the teenager) has no bearing what so ever on the form of the fully matured Adult. Some avant-garde researchers have even gone so far as to theorise that the influence of the Adult species on the pre pubescent pupa has more influence over the adult form that the teenager will adopt.

At this stage of research, in spite of all the conflicting evidence, a small number of facts have emerged, unfortunately these facts have been self evident since research began so we are no further along the long and difficult task of understanding the species "Teenager". For the uninitiated here is a brief synopsis of what we do know: -

1. All Teenagers,  in all the subspecies,  think they know everything
2. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, are capable of loud and irritating behavior.
3. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, are capable of , and delight in, rebellious behavior.
4. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, have some inner compulsion to experiment with their lives.
5. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, are subject to behavioral anomalies influenced by hormonal conflicts.
6.All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, are seriously effected by peer group pressures
7. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, can, and will do, the deliberately and completely unexpected
8. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, willfully and deliberately defy adult directives
9. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, vigorously investigate any endeavour they are told not to pursue
10. All Teenagers, in all the subspecies, are a complete mystery to adult observers.

Finally I must give a word of warning to all Adults contemplating a study of the Teenage Problem. This study is fraught with danger and can result in sleepless nights, frustrating days,  fear, confusion, trips to sporting fixtures, unexpected transportation demands, senseless rage, worry and,  if the would be researcher is considering breeding their own test subjects, a considerable financial burden.

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